Communicating with children of any age is probably the key parenting skill, as it helps build their self-esteem and confidence.
Through parenting we can prepare our children to survive and thrive in their environment. The environment that today’s society provides children is full of challenges and big issues like drugs, violence, and sex. That is why it is so important for children and parents to communicate openly.
Communication takes both talking and listening. Listening, instead of lecturing, gives children space to share their feelings, and by sorting through their own problems can help with their decision making skills. Further, good communication helps children develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others.
At every age children need their parents to understand how they’re feeling. It’s your job to make your child feel that she can talk to you about anything going on in her life. You achieve this by listening properly and not leaping in with your own judgments or constantly blaming your child.
You want to be wise and prepared when you talk to your teen. Here are tips that can help. Good communication helps children and parents to develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others. Try these tips:
Teach children to listen… gently touch a child before you talk… say their name.
Eat at least one meal together per day. Mealtime allows for two-way conversation and family bonding
Use time in the car wisely. Turn mom’s taxi service into an opportunity for stimulating conversation!
Speak in a quiet voice… whisper sometimes so children have to listen… they like this.
Host a family night each week. With a little effort, most families can set aside one evening per week for family activity.
Practice listening and talking: talk with your family about what you see on TV, hear on the radio or see at the park or store. (Talk with your children about school and their friends.)
Organize a 10-minute family time before bed each evening to cuddle on the sofa and affirm your love for your children.
Look a child in the eyes so you can tell when they understand… bend or sit down… become the child’s size.
Host family meetings to give your children a forum in which their input matters.
Express positive emotions. It takes more than just words to communicate positively. Studies show that only 7 percent of our message is through our words while 38 percent is through our tone of voice and 55 percent is through our posture and facial expressions!
Be conscious of how your communication affects your children. Children take cues from you as how to treat others in the family, as well as how to act outside the home.
Many parents only see their children when they’re at home. Get involved with your child’s school. Volunteer to help with extracurricular programs, such as theater or sports. You may discover new and wonderful aspects to your child that you otherwise would have missed.
Many parents know they have a troubled teen on there hands, as these warning signs will help tell. The question many parents have is “What do I do!” or “what are my options? If you have any suggestions for how to improve this site or any questions pertaining to this site, feel free to go:
http://www.abundantlifeacademy.us
http://www.abundantlifeacademy.info
http://www.troubledteens4jesus.com
It offers a wide variety of information pertaining to parenting teens in today’s society. They hope that the information presented on this site will be of some use to parents everywhere.
Harry Johnson
http://www.articlesbase.com/online-education-articles/communication-tips-helping-parenting-67553.html
What can I do when my ex-husband’s gf is a big obstacle in our communication?
I'm divorced from the my son's father… he cheated, was abusive, and finally he walked out… I'm the one that filed for divorce.
He's still with the girl he last cheated on me with, and they are having a child (he cheated a little over a year ago) within the next few weeks.
My problem is that my ex-husband's girlfriend is a real problem for my ex and I to communicate. I can't call over at their place if there is something with our son because apparently she said she'd put charges on me for harassment (I've never talked to her!!!), etc… And I've never contacted him on anything other than our child. So I have to call him at work if there's something.
The latest problem was that our son was having some health troubles, and the doctor finally gave him a few different meds to help out… after the doctor's appointment, I went by his work to see him (his shift was over, he was walking to his car) and asked him to come to the pharmacy with us to get the information directly from the pharmacist on how to give the meds (he's the type who'd say I didn't tell him something when I did, to say I gave him bad instructions, etc.). Well, his girlfriend apparently threw a fit and then HE started throwing a fit on me after that, telling me I ruined his life, etc.
I'm trying to do some coparenting, even though it's hard, and even though I have sole custody, I still try to involve him, but all I get is threats from his gf, through him and other people, and false accusations. She's even started saying that she's having pregnancy trouble because of stress related to me because I harassed her (I never talked, or emailed her.. I did email my ex once, telling him to stop hitting on me, flirting with me or trying to kiss me, and she saw it and sent it to herself and then claimed I had sent it to her…she's nuts), that I'm a bad mom, etc.. we live in a small town, so all the lies are kinda hard to swallow, we know the same people…
How in the world can I communicate with my ex, when his girlfriend keeps trying to come between us? I don't want him back, hey, she wanted him, she can very well keep him, I deserve (and have) a better man than that. I've tried talking to him about it, but it doesn't seem to help…
My son is not even two yet, so he doesn't understand yet… but still. My son deserves that his parents can communicate together, and I don't think I should have to put her needs into consideration, SHE didn't make that child, and she doesn't want to be his step-mom (won't watch him if it's his weekend and there's an emergency, etc.). I'm about to give up on communicating with my ex, his gf is making it too damn hard… Once, he came over to my office to talk (about our divorce, we were filling out papers, talking about wills, organ donation, etc). She called 45 times in 1.5 hours.
How can I communicate with my ex-husband when it comes to our son when she's making it impossible? Any ideas? Even HE wants to communicate, and calls me when he gets the chance and she's nt near… But I don't feel we should have to hide it. And with all she's said and done, I don't want to include her in our conversation, it should strictly be between me and him, it's our son!
So.. communication tips? ideas?
BTW… she was like this BEFORE she got pregnant. It's not the hormones, she's just a witch with a B naturally apparently!
His cell phone is shared with his GF, can't call him.
HE had hit on me a few times during summer, when he came to pick up the child. It's not happening anymore (probably because she read the email and gave him hell). I didn't WANT him to hit on me, and I can't control what he does, when I was asking him he wouldn't stop so I emailed him. That's why.
BTW.. why does it sound Like I haven't moved on? Because I've told him to STOP hitting on me? You're kidding right? Idiot.
I've moved on, which is WHY I wanted him to stop. He would had gladly cheated on her, with me, but I sure as hell didn't want to! I've moved on. Happily. Doesn't mean I can control what HE says or tries to do.
I've called 4 times in 3 months: Child was sick twice and visitation wasn't a good idea, I was in a car accident and the child was with me and I notified him because he saw my scrapped up car and threw a fit, and the other time was Christmas, because I had our son and we had agreed that he'd talk on the phone with him on x-mas. Apparently, that's too much calling..
Not giving him all the details: Just if the child is sick and we have the reschedule visitation, or if there's something major. I can't even communicate THAT apparently.
If I had just TOLD him how to use the meds, he would of said that I didn't tell him right, and try to tell me I<m irresponsible — happened before. THAT is why I asked him to come to the pharmacy, so he'd have o excuse — and some meds need to be administered before others and it's not written on them… it's important.
His girlfriend sounds like a complete psycho.
You guys have a child together and he needs to man up and take responsibility for your son as a father and not have his girlfriend acting like an idiot.
She should respect you and you her because of the fact that there is a child involved.
Talk to him and stress the importance of you guys communicating for the sake of your son.
And be glad you're not with this abusive guy anymore. She prob is putting up with all his bad stuff now.
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You and he are no longer married. He's with her now. Grow up and move on with your life.
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tell your ex if his son isn't important enough to him to keep his bitch under control, you'll make sure he doesn't have contact with him. that may be enough for him to straighten up. if not, well, it's not like he's a wonderful human being anyway, so your son is probably better off without him.
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If you want your ex to get along with you don't send him emails telling him to quit hitting on you. Your story sounds fishy. Why are you in situations where he's hitting on you?
It sounds like you haven't toatlly moved on and the whole three way situation is a little trashy.
My ex wouldn't THINK of hitting on me. There's a ten foot wall up.
Call his cell phone or better yet text him ONLY about the child.
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get a lawyer in Between
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His new girl has a trust issue. She got your ex by him cheating on his wife. Don't you think she is paranoid he will do the same thing to her? She deserves the misery she is now living in (not being able to trust him).
I wouldn't email him or go to his job for any reason what-so-ever. I would call him at home, just as you should. Any court would laugh their a*s off at her about harassment charges if you are in fact calling about your son. Unless of course, you are calling numerous times a day, every day. That truly is harassment and it would then be for your own pleasure rather than the child's needs.
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This is not a problem you can fix. Your ex-husband has to fix it. Doesn't your ex have a cell phone? Problem solved.
If you have sole custody, then you need to be prepared to raise your son on your own. Obviously, you should require your ex to pay child support. However, you should tell your ex that you are not going to deal with his GF and her threats. Tell him that he is free to see his son, but he will have to do the initiating and make the effort.
Leave the door open to a relationship with his son and let him walk through it.
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My girlfriend had similar issues – she finally resorted to keeping all communication to e-mail. This way it is admissible in court (keep that in mind…) and shows that you made attempts to communicate with him. Also, contact your lawyer and run it by him/her and see if they have any other suggestions – that's were my friend got her info. So she and her ex did the e-mail thing for about 6 months until he decided it was kind of stupid and pulled his head out of his butt…now they communicate civilly.
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This sounds like your Ex doesn't want to communicate with you, but you are forcing him to communicate with you. If you continue, you will cause him to hate you and terminate any chance of having a civil relationship. If he wanted to communicate with you, he would communicate with you despite his new girl friend.
Stop. The ages between 2 and 4 are when a child is socialized. It is done by imprinting. What he sees and hears at this age will determine how he acts as an adult. You are teaching him to be controlling and demanding.
Do like other parents. If the ex spouse needs to know how to administer meds, write it down and give the note to the ex- spouse when they pick up the kid. Going to his work place having him go to the Rx with you is out of line.
Limit your communications to necessary things like not being home when the ex comes to pick up or drop off the kid, or there has been an emergency.
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Sadly, your intentions are well placed, but you will have to eventually accept the fact that communication with your ex for the child's sake may not be possible. And as your son gets older and becomes more aware, you trying to communicate and always causing trouble at his dads house may make you the bad guy. Do the best you can with your son as his mom, and leave his dad alone to be his dad as long as it doesn't endanger your son. Otherwise you will be the one whose seen as interfering and causing trouble. Your divorced, it's not up to you to make him a good dad anymore.
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Well, this has a simple explanation….
She took what wasn't hers and now she knows that because he would cheat on his wife, whom he also had a child with… (cheating with her, but still he cheated on you) she knows she can't trust him. So, she is going to try to do everything in her power to make life unbearable between the two of you – so that she can rest a bit easier knowing he isn't fooling around on her with you….
That's why she is pretty much a phsyco!
You can't trust a cheater, even when they cheated on their spouse with you… Because who is to say that you wont get cheated on… right?? She knows.
All I can suggest is telling him that you and him need to communicate whether or not his GF likes it. Because it is about your and his son. PERIOD. Tell him he needs to get his own cell, or heck, even a pager. At least if he had a pager, you could page with 411 or 911 to let him know if it was about info or if it was IMPORTANT and need to talk to him ASAP.
Other than that, they both need to grow up… but I know there isn't a way to help them there. Sorry.
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I would suggest family counseling for everyone involved and if they (the ex-husband and his gf) don't agree, then go back to the original court order and don't allow him any more than what is ordered by the courts because the situation as it is isn't good for anyone involved, especially your child.
If your ex really wants to keep his relationship with his child in tact he will start acting on his own behalf and stop being a programmed robot for his gf because it will end up costing him dearly in the end.
Also, you might want to check with your caseworker through the court and see if there are any legal remedies through the court as I know they often times offer counseling, mediation, etc. to help with issues such as this. I know from experience as my ex-husband and I had to go through this due to the fact that the mother of his children was using her new husband as a means of preventing their father (my husband) from being a major part in their lives.
In the meantime, document everything you can, even if it means keeping a journal or log of some sort of what happens and when (phone calls, meetings, doctors appointments, etc.). If you end up having to go to court it might come in handy and while you may never need it, it is better to have and not need, than to need it and not have it.
But definitely look into it and keep in mind that your child is the only one that's truly going to be effected by how everyone gets along.
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Personal opinion after dealing with very similiar situation. I also worked for several groups and organizations which fight for the rights of children as well as Equal and Shared Parenting.
i too think you haven't moved on. why is his gf an issue to you? the only reason she hates you is because it's obvious your communicating more than you should. whats happened in the past – you meeting with him after work is completely f9cked up. he should be responsible enough to read instructions off the prescription and its a lame excuse to see him – i think. i hope you get your own man to worry about and for christ sake the child is only 2. what is there to talk about? i think you should only call for pick up, drop off. good luck to y ou.
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Of course you can phone him to discuss issues related to your child. You're part of the problem because you are allowing her and the rumours about what she says to dictate how you conduct your own life.
If your co-parenting causes her to freak out on him, that's his issue, not yours.
Perhaps the best thing to do is sit down with him and tell him that until she can treat you in a civil manner, you will have no choice but to terminate any contact with his household. It will be up to him to work out how to deal with her and still be a father to his child at the same time.
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I personally wouldn't waste time trying to communicate to him. Let him make the effort. That way you can't be blamed for anything. I don't even think that its such a good idea to have your son around his girlfriend because you never know what she could do to your child out of spite.
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she knows what she did to u, and she does see u as a threat, because of problems she has with her own self esteem. so she will keep u away, and your ex is allowing it. nothing u can do, i ran into the same problem, and u know what he never spoke up to her, never saw his daughter, nor did he support her. she seems to dislike u just because u exist, and was the woman before her. my ex husbands second wife would not allow him to ever communicate with us, and its still this way after all these years.so the only advice i have is to be glad he isn't with u, and don't include him in your son's life. because he's just blaming u, and not the person who is causing all the pain. this woman knows what she is and what she did to u, and its not comfortable to her emotionally to even acknowledge you or your sons existence. she will always do this, it will never change, he will always let her run the show, and its your son who will be cheated out of a normal life with his dad. and when your son gets older this woman will vilify u, tell lies on why his dad left, to justify what she did to u. distance yourself from your ex, if u have full custody u don't need him to make decisions.u can't expect him to step up to the plate, because this man is a coward who was pursued, given ultimatums, and controlled by her and Will always be.
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I didnt read it all – its long!
However i did skim it an basically got the story.
About that email it would of shown that it was from his address so u can prove she was lying about that.
She cant get you done for harrassment because the police have no record of you troubling her in the passed so they wouldnt do a thing.
Is your ex husband really interested in seeing his son? its so wrong of her to react the way she does, she is so insecure an jealous of you. what happens when her baby comes along – will your ex really have time for your son?
i think you should send him an email, you cant be doing with all the stuff you said an he needs to make a desision as to whether he actualyl wants to be a part of the childs life its either telling his gf straight that she cant stop him or he has no involvementyou have custody an you may think its nasty on your son but when hes older would he really want a father like that in his life?you cheated on you bullied you! he doesnt understand the pain you went through but when hes older it'l hit him an im sure he will have some sort of resentment towards him.
or you can carry on an wait till her baby is born, have a mother to mother talk an ask her how would she feel if her baby couldnt hardly see his/her father because someone getting in the way xxxxx
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She sounds like a freaking nut job! Honestly what I would do if you guys are still doing the court thing maybe you should bring it up to the judge that his girlfriend is making it very difficult to have shared custody with you and your ex-husband. If not I would tell your ex that if she does not stop being a nut job you will stop bringing your son over to visit him, which is horrible I know, but what other choice do you have? Shes going to make this whole situation a living hell for you and your son! And the way you descirbe her, she sounds like shes not that nice to your son, especially when she wont look after him on the weekends! You don't want that nut job influencing your son! Another way is maybe…go to the police and file a complaint, because it sounds like she is harassing you! Im really sorry that is a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck! I hope my advice helped you a little bit!
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I'm not sure why you have to tell him every detail of your son's life. If it's not an emergency then you don't need to be bothering him all the time. Your not together and not raising your child together so you should probably stop making him a part of your life. I would be upset if I was the girlfriend too. Raise your child and let him have his parenting time but "not together" Grow up and make decisions on your own.
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Yeah, she knows about cheating spouses, she has one and she can't trust him. And good for you for throwing him out. But now she's the one with the insecurities, that he can still love two men, justice is served. But that isn't helping you. First off, she can't do anything to you for calling to talk to him about your child. That's crazy talk. But she would make it difficult anyway. It's amazing how he is O.K. with you but when she finds out he even has to take it out on you, must be a lot of fun in that house. She's controling and abusive. You may have to tell your ex it's going to be up to him to call you to see if there is any information that he needs to know. You shouldn't keep putting yourself on this gals firing line.If anything you could try a restraining order against her so she would have to let you talk to your ex, but that could be bad too. And for what she might be spreading, I came from a small town and you can't buffalo the people,if you're the one blowing smoke because you spent your life blowing smoke, they know it and know how to take what she says. It's your ex who needs to get a backbone in this situation, it is the bed he chose to live in he should at least fix it enough to ensure you that you won't come under fire from her. You are smart in keeping her out of the mix for now, but if she had any smarts at all she would want to be involved which brings me to my next question, how well do you think your child is being taken care of over there? Do you think she is abusing him at all including verbally? If so you should cut off all visitation until that gets resolved. Even sending a child into whatever mess they have going on scares the heck out of me, it's going to affect him the rest of his life too. If you need a little extra support or kind words write, I'll try to point you in the right direction
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So how do you know SHE is saying all of this or throwing these fits if you have never talked to her? Maybe he is making that part up so that he can say or do whatever he wants and not have to take responsibility for his own actions. If he truly wanted to communicate with you about your son, he would do it and put his foot down with his GF, if he was abusive and controlling with you, don't you think he would be the same way with her and take charge of the situation? I would wait for him to make contact with you and in the mean time, go about your own life.
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Her threat to press harassment charges against you is just absurd. However, if she called you 45 times in one day you do have valid reason to sue her for harassment if you wanted to. I agree with everyone who said let him instigate the visitations, you're not obligated in any way to make him see or care about your son, that's his decision. If he's at all interested in the child's welfare he could easily call and talk to him. Don't go to his job and don't call. Don't put up with this drama anymore and cut stop instigating any communication with him. I would check your divorce decree, because you may be obligated to notify him, whether he's interested or not, when your child has a medical problem. If you are obligated send email, make it a priority email to him and inform him about the illness or accident, what is being done and say good bye, don't ask him to do anything, that's his choice. I also agree with the one who said it would be better for the child to keep him away from the step mother, who knows how she treats him or tells him about you. Since his father is taking no interest in his son's life the idea of co parenting is absurd. You've put the ball in his court, and for you and your sons sakes I personally hope he just lets it lie there unless the gf is out of his life. I think you are doing your son a disservice by trying to force his father to care for him. Evidently he loves his psycho gf more than his son.
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To begin with, you can't just press charges and *poof* you're guilty – there's needs to be proof, and if she keeps contacting the authorities, they will just consider her a nuissance. You calling the baby's dad to keep him informed of your child's health is not harassment, and no authority would consider it so.
Take into account that once she has the baby, it might get worse, because she seems like she's the type to give preference to her child over yours and make your child feel second-best.
It sounds like you're just bringing stress on yourself by trying to reach out to him, even if it's the right thing to do.
If you have sole custody, then you don't have to give any information to your ex. If he wants to see the baby, let him call you. If you need to explain how to give the baby the meds in detail, then email him and copy his girlfriend and any other relative who watches the baby – that way they'll both know exactly how to do it, and no one can claim you didn't explain it right.
My cousin married a guy who had a psycho-ex and caused all kinds of problems at the beginning of their relationship. She's mellowed out, but it's taken years, and a lot of help from the in-laws. But everyone has to get a spine and stand up for what's right, or else she's just going to keep on with her behavior, and you can't be expected to do it alone.
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